Yesterday I cut my finger. Badly. I still finished what I needed to do, stopped off to get first aid supplies to change out my bandage frequently, enjoyed my "work" Christmas party, and got home with my children in tow before I tried to relax for a while. This morning, I realized, quite painfully, that I had not purchased the right kind of bandage for my finger. After deciding that today was going to be a day of relaxing and recuperating, and I sat to watch a movie -- and our power went out. I planned to go to CVS and get the proper supplies. I dressed and was quite pleased with my ensemble thinking that I looked pretty cute - aside from the huge and glaringly white wrap to protect my injured finger.
I arrived at CVS and parked near the door. That was great because my head was still pounding and my eyes are so very sensitive to light when I have a headache. I entered the store, walked to scan my card for coupons and as I left the machine, I saw you and smiled. You made eye contact but never tried to even feign a polite smile in return. I carried on to take care of business and opted to peruse a few of the other aisles as I had no other plans for the afternoon - and no electricity at home. When I finished browsing, I walked to the register and stood behind your husband in line. I was in no rush and he seemed oblivious to the fact that someone was behind him, so when you walked up with the items needed to take advantage of some coupon or promotion and looked at me, I again smiled warmly. You apologized to the clerk for not being aware of only certain items being a part of that particular special and as he rang up the new items, you turned and looked me up and down slowly. I was still waiting patiently, gently swaying in my spot as I was thinking about what I might do next. You seemed to be noting each article of clothing I was wearing and it did not appear to impress you.
I am okay with that.
I was dressed quite modestly, wearing a coral-patterned maxi skirt, a coral-y pink t-shirt, and a navy blue long-sleeved sweater. I have on dark blue socks and low boots if that matters, and even a grey ruffled scarf, because my hair is cut short and I like to cover my neck in this cool weather. When I got dressed today - quite creatively, I will admit, I chose this for ease. You see, I've lost a lot of weight and continue to lose, so I have no desire to spend a lot of money on clothes that will not fit for long. Instead, most of my clothes are hand-me-downs from friends or thrift store purchases. This is my choice - and I also choose to wear clothes that make me FEEL good. Life is too short to wear things that make you feel ugly or frumpy. I have been there and done that - and I am not going back. I know what it feels like to have few clothes that make you smile when you wear them. They do not have to be new, they do not have to be expensive, they do not even have to be what everyone else thinks is trendy. Had I not been a good ten to twelve inches taller than you, I would have thought that you were looking down your nose at me. I really do not know why. But I know this: I never saw you smile. I never saw your husband smile. The two of you almost looked sad to me, but you also looked angry. I will not assume to know your story. I do not know the life you have lived or any of the choices or sacrifices that you may have had to make.
I want to say "Thank you." Thank you for helping me to realize today how truly it is to acknowledge those around you with kindness. A simple smile or a "How are you?", can mean so much to a lonely and hurting person. Thank you for showing me that it is so important to not get caught up in myself, or to judge others based on outward appearances. I have been in so many similar situations where a kind word instantly broke down walls and connections were made. I remember times that I now know to be divine appointments, arranged by God to bless one or both of us. I forgot for a long time that I have worth and that I was created for a purpose. I lost my voice, I even lost my vision of what that looked like. I want to make every effort to rekindle that excitement for connection. Thank you for reminding me of that..
And the next thing I want to say is that I am sorry. I am so sorry that I did not make more of an effort to connect with you. Maybe I was supposed to be that blessing for you today, and I missed it. I just flat out dropped the ball on that one. I could come up with so many excuses as to why I did not speak to you, but the fact remains that I did not and that opportunity has passed. Maybe we will cross paths again some day. Maybe you will recognize me. Maybe I will be wearing the same outfit. Maybe someone else will be that connection for you and I will be more aware and not miss the chance to bless another, but I am sorry. And I pray that you know the love and the mercy and the glory of Christ and how much He loves you. And I KNOW that He does - because I saw you through HIS eyes today...and He wants to see you smile.
Sincerely,
A Woman Learning
I arrived at CVS and parked near the door. That was great because my head was still pounding and my eyes are so very sensitive to light when I have a headache. I entered the store, walked to scan my card for coupons and as I left the machine, I saw you and smiled. You made eye contact but never tried to even feign a polite smile in return. I carried on to take care of business and opted to peruse a few of the other aisles as I had no other plans for the afternoon - and no electricity at home. When I finished browsing, I walked to the register and stood behind your husband in line. I was in no rush and he seemed oblivious to the fact that someone was behind him, so when you walked up with the items needed to take advantage of some coupon or promotion and looked at me, I again smiled warmly. You apologized to the clerk for not being aware of only certain items being a part of that particular special and as he rang up the new items, you turned and looked me up and down slowly. I was still waiting patiently, gently swaying in my spot as I was thinking about what I might do next. You seemed to be noting each article of clothing I was wearing and it did not appear to impress you.
I am okay with that.
I was dressed quite modestly, wearing a coral-patterned maxi skirt, a coral-y pink t-shirt, and a navy blue long-sleeved sweater. I have on dark blue socks and low boots if that matters, and even a grey ruffled scarf, because my hair is cut short and I like to cover my neck in this cool weather. When I got dressed today - quite creatively, I will admit, I chose this for ease. You see, I've lost a lot of weight and continue to lose, so I have no desire to spend a lot of money on clothes that will not fit for long. Instead, most of my clothes are hand-me-downs from friends or thrift store purchases. This is my choice - and I also choose to wear clothes that make me FEEL good. Life is too short to wear things that make you feel ugly or frumpy. I have been there and done that - and I am not going back. I know what it feels like to have few clothes that make you smile when you wear them. They do not have to be new, they do not have to be expensive, they do not even have to be what everyone else thinks is trendy. Had I not been a good ten to twelve inches taller than you, I would have thought that you were looking down your nose at me. I really do not know why. But I know this: I never saw you smile. I never saw your husband smile. The two of you almost looked sad to me, but you also looked angry. I will not assume to know your story. I do not know the life you have lived or any of the choices or sacrifices that you may have had to make.
I want to say "Thank you." Thank you for helping me to realize today how truly it is to acknowledge those around you with kindness. A simple smile or a "How are you?", can mean so much to a lonely and hurting person. Thank you for showing me that it is so important to not get caught up in myself, or to judge others based on outward appearances. I have been in so many similar situations where a kind word instantly broke down walls and connections were made. I remember times that I now know to be divine appointments, arranged by God to bless one or both of us. I forgot for a long time that I have worth and that I was created for a purpose. I lost my voice, I even lost my vision of what that looked like. I want to make every effort to rekindle that excitement for connection. Thank you for reminding me of that..
And the next thing I want to say is that I am sorry. I am so sorry that I did not make more of an effort to connect with you. Maybe I was supposed to be that blessing for you today, and I missed it. I just flat out dropped the ball on that one. I could come up with so many excuses as to why I did not speak to you, but the fact remains that I did not and that opportunity has passed. Maybe we will cross paths again some day. Maybe you will recognize me. Maybe I will be wearing the same outfit. Maybe someone else will be that connection for you and I will be more aware and not miss the chance to bless another, but I am sorry. And I pray that you know the love and the mercy and the glory of Christ and how much He loves you. And I KNOW that He does - because I saw you through HIS eyes today...and He wants to see you smile.
| It's just me...no makeup, nothing fancy - and perfectly imperfect |
Sincerely,
A Woman Learning
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