So for much of our marriage, Hubby and I have not taken for granted all that we have been given. We lived in an apartment for only a few short months because our goal was to own a house. Don't get me wrong - our house was far from extravagant. However, every one of those 700 square feet was well-used for the several years that we lived in it. God provided exactly what we needed, when we needed it. And when it came time to move into a bigger home, God provided yet again.
Each and every step of the way, God has provided for us in every way and beyond what we could have asked for. Yet as I sit here nearing the end of 2010 and subsequent beginning of 2011, I ponder my stewardship of those blessings. We have racked up more medical bills, more credit card debt, and we have less and less for our family's necessities and for blessing others. Why? Not solely because of the medical bills both for my surgery and our unexpected (and deeply loved) little miracle girl - but due mostly to eating out.
I often feel like I cost more than I contribute to this household - but do not think that I don't appreciate how valuable my current job is. I understand and I would not have it any other way; to be at home taking care of my children and homeschooling Kiddo are blessings that we have been given and they are certainly not taken for granted. However, I make it way too easy on myself to just "grab something" to eat from here or there. I'm too tired. I'm too sore. I'm too busy. Nothing sounds good. I didn't prepare soon enough and don't have time to defrost...etc., etc., etc. It's just disgusting. And bless his heart, Hubby wants so badly to help me that he rarely even counters. Yet since Hubby is the only one bringing home a paycheck, and I am so often not providing our family's meals at home or maintaining the house well, I know that I cost more than I contribute physically. And it causes me such guilt...but on the cycle goes and goes.
I have also found that when our finances get whittled down, I rarely pray for God's leadership in those finances any more. It's like I feel that I buried us in this hole, I should dig us out - and there is some truth in that. However, I know that all things come from God - and that includes the wisdom in how to best use our money. Or what's left of it, anyway.
As Christmas gets closer, and I have two children to buy gifts for, I am greatly thankful for the growth in my faith and understanding of God and His desires for us. This has lead Hubby and me to reconsider the overabundance of "things" we were focusing on for Kiddo. I am ashamed to admit that several years ago - and several years in a row - Kiddo had so much stuff (just from Hubby and me) that he got tired of opening his gifts. We have pictures of a Christmas tree loaded with so many gifts, you would have thought it was for a family of 20 people! For the last few years, however, we have given Kiddo only 3 gifts. Mostly because this is the number of gifts that Jesus received. Also, though, we can focus on more quality and meaningful gifts because we are not focused on quantity. (He does still get a stocking with little things - favorite candies/treats, maybe a small gift card, games, all those cutesy items.)
This year, with medical bills that must get paid, we are struggling with just the 6 gifts and the stocking stuffers that our two kids would get. Honestly, I'm not sure how we'll do it...but I'm certain that God will provide something. God cares about my struggles and will somehow grant me peace about it - whatever "it" might be. Maybe an idea for a "free" gift or maybe even helping Christopher to realize what Christmas truly is about after all - not the gifts, rather The Gift.
I want to make it clear that I am not asking for anything from you, I'm just sharing what God has laid on my heart, so please read on.
Each and every step of the way, God has provided for us in every way and beyond what we could have asked for. Yet as I sit here nearing the end of 2010 and subsequent beginning of 2011, I ponder my stewardship of those blessings. We have racked up more medical bills, more credit card debt, and we have less and less for our family's necessities and for blessing others. Why? Not solely because of the medical bills both for my surgery and our unexpected (and deeply loved) little miracle girl - but due mostly to eating out.
I often feel like I cost more than I contribute to this household - but do not think that I don't appreciate how valuable my current job is. I understand and I would not have it any other way; to be at home taking care of my children and homeschooling Kiddo are blessings that we have been given and they are certainly not taken for granted. However, I make it way too easy on myself to just "grab something" to eat from here or there. I'm too tired. I'm too sore. I'm too busy. Nothing sounds good. I didn't prepare soon enough and don't have time to defrost...etc., etc., etc. It's just disgusting. And bless his heart, Hubby wants so badly to help me that he rarely even counters. Yet since Hubby is the only one bringing home a paycheck, and I am so often not providing our family's meals at home or maintaining the house well, I know that I cost more than I contribute physically. And it causes me such guilt...but on the cycle goes and goes.
I have also found that when our finances get whittled down, I rarely pray for God's leadership in those finances any more. It's like I feel that I buried us in this hole, I should dig us out - and there is some truth in that. However, I know that all things come from God - and that includes the wisdom in how to best use our money. Or what's left of it, anyway.
As Christmas gets closer, and I have two children to buy gifts for, I am greatly thankful for the growth in my faith and understanding of God and His desires for us. This has lead Hubby and me to reconsider the overabundance of "things" we were focusing on for Kiddo. I am ashamed to admit that several years ago - and several years in a row - Kiddo had so much stuff (just from Hubby and me) that he got tired of opening his gifts. We have pictures of a Christmas tree loaded with so many gifts, you would have thought it was for a family of 20 people! For the last few years, however, we have given Kiddo only 3 gifts. Mostly because this is the number of gifts that Jesus received. Also, though, we can focus on more quality and meaningful gifts because we are not focused on quantity. (He does still get a stocking with little things - favorite candies/treats, maybe a small gift card, games, all those cutesy items.)
This year, with medical bills that must get paid, we are struggling with just the 6 gifts and the stocking stuffers that our two kids would get. Honestly, I'm not sure how we'll do it...but I'm certain that God will provide something. God cares about my struggles and will somehow grant me peace about it - whatever "it" might be. Maybe an idea for a "free" gift or maybe even helping Christopher to realize what Christmas truly is about after all - not the gifts, rather The Gift.
I want to make it clear that I am not asking for anything from you, I'm just sharing what God has laid on my heart, so please read on.
For a few days in a row, I kept seeing a verse popping up - on Facebook, in an e-mail devotional...I eventually got the hint. (It takes me a while. :)
Psalm 62:8 (Contemporary English Version) Trust God, my friends, and always tell him each one of your concerns. God is our place of safety.
I had been praying and looking for a verse for 2011, and as always, God provided. This verse is different, though. This verse scares me. This means that as a recovering control-freak, I must give up control and hand the reins over to God. This is a big deal. If I want to learn as much in 2011 as I have in 2010 (my verse has been Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for a hope and a future...") then I have to be ready to trust God completely. And learning to trust someone other than myself just terrifies me. Example: I believe that I trust my husband implicitly and know that he wants only to provide well for and keep his family safe - yet when he drives, I cannot close my eyes for more than a few seconds, or I begin to feel extremely anxious.
I've learned, through the course of my life thus far, that no one can be trusted. As long as I've known my amazing husband, he is human...and therefore he does not do everything perfectly all the time - I didn't realize until God gave me this verse that I don't even trust my husband as much as I thought I did. That truly saddens me. People are human...they are not infallible. God is completely perfect and totally infallible. Thank You, God, for that Truth.
We don't do New Year's Resolutions in our home per se, however, we do often set goals and try to improve from one year to the next in at least one area. This year I have a feeling that my goals and challenges will include both our finances and my faith. For a control-freak this is nothing short of anxiety-provoking...but I'm in all the way. I want to learn all that He wants to teach me in the coming months and I pray that I walk the right path. (I would greatly appreciate your prayers for myself and our family as we learn...it won't be easy.)
There are several things that I hope to do as we learn to be better stewards of God's provision:
- Eat out much, much less often - maybe twice a month
- Pay off more debt with less money - income is changing due to insurance
- Add to savings
- Less idle time and more time spent cleaning and organizing our home
- More time doing active things as a family so that we might become more physically fit
There are several other things that I would like to incorporate as well, but these are the biggest.
As we move into the new year, I am hopeful. If I come out of 2011 learning as much as I did in 2010, I'll be like a new woman! :) And if you have any ideas that might help, I'd love to hear them...
So...
What are your goals for 2011? How can I encourage you?
Be blessed...I am.
Comments
Sorry to write a book. :)
-Jamie
I love ya girl!
Blessings...